The Gray Divorce Podcast: Episode 50 Special 50th Edition of the Gray Divorce Podcast
Transcript
Hello everybody. Welcome to a short, yet special edition of the Gray Divorce Podcast. I wanted to take a break from our regularly scheduled programming to commemorate this, the 50th episode of the Gray Divorce Podcast and to thank you all for listening and supporting the podcast, particularly you lovely people who have given the podcast a 5-star rating. I appreciate it as it helps get the show out to more people.
There’s a nice symmetry in recognizing episode 50 as gray divorce is defined as divorce happening at age 50 and beyond. Hopefully in a couple of years from now, maybe even sooner, we can celebrate the century mark.
Over the next 15 minutes, I'd like to share with you some of the highlights from some of the more popular episodes of the podcast. As I reviewed the podcast analytics, I was surprised to see which episodes resonated the most with you so I thought you might find it interesting as well as I recap the five most popular episodes of the podcast.
I'd also like to give you a little behind-the-scenes look at the creation and production of the gray divorce podcast in the hopes that it might inspire you to embark on your own creative projects. For many of us, finding our mojo after a divorce might involve creative projects. The act of building or creating something after divorce fits in with theme of growth and rebuilding.
Regular listeners to the podcast will be familiar with my mantra that there is life after divorce. And it can be a much richer, happier more purposeful life when given the opportunity to hit the reset button and to consider what are the things that really energize us. Certainly, when we're going through divorce our imaginations can run wild with negative scenarios about the future of our finances or the future of our relationships. But this catastrophic thinking rarely pans out in reality. There may be rebuilding financially - I know about that firsthand - but the journey back can be one of incredible growth both personally and financially.
I've got to tell you when I was divorced in 2015 at the age of 52, I could never have predicted that seven years later at the age of 59, I would embark on creating a bi-weekly podcast dedicated to mid to late-life divorce.
But I determined that the best way to turn the lemons of my divorce experience into lemonade was to help educate people about the divorce process and learn not only from my mistakes but from the mistakes of many other people who have gone through divorce so that if you find yourself going through divorce you're well-armed with knowledge about the process so as to make it a less painful experience, both financially and emotionally.
As a financial advisor, I must admit I was humbled when I went through my divorce. I was humbled by what I didn't know about the process, which is, for many people, the largest financial transaction in their lives. That experience led me to earn the CDFA credential which stands for certified divorce financial analyst, and start my divorce financial consulting business, Wiser Divorce Solutions. Wiser Divorce Solutions helps people before and during the divorce process while Transcend Retirement, my investment advisory business, helps people with financial planning after divorce.
I won't spend any more time talking about me. If you want to hear more about my story, check out episode 2 of the gray divorce podcast titled “what is gray divorce” where I talk about the societal phenomenon of mid to late-life divorce and how it's grown over the last 30 years and of course how I became a part of it back in 2015. Incidentally, that podcast was the second most listened to podcast out of the 1st 49 episodes.
Let me briefly review in reverse order the other four episodes you found most popular.
Episode 7 “the 11 things to do now in divorce” was the fifth most popular podcast. This episode is essentially an outline of my live divorce workshop presentations and a very practical overview of key tips to follow in divorce. I'm not surprised that it attracted listeners. You might want to revisit the episode in the podcast archives. I won't list all 11 points here but among the top ones - make sure you have money available to you and that you have a bank account that you control - it'll give you a lot of Peace of Mind. Get as organized as possible and gather as many financial documents as you can. In doing so you'll help the financial and legal professionals you're working with, and they'll be able to focus more on helping you than trying to organize your paperwork. Two other key points are to consider the tax consequences of potential divorce settlements and to make a budget and monitor your spending. This is important when it comes time to negotiate spousal support. Finally, get professional help. In episode 26, I spoke with attorney Phillip Spradling about the perils of do-it-yourself divorce and in the subsequent episode #27 I chatted about the team approach to gray divorce. Believe me, bringing in the right professionals will end up saving you a lot more money and grief in the long term.
The fourth most popular episode in keeping with the theme of practical financial advice was episode 3 on Social Security. In this episode I discussed how important it is for late life divorcees to get it right and maximize their Social Security benefits after divorce. I discussed how spousal or better said, ex spousal Social Security benefits, work in divorce and the basic rules of eligibility. Remember that you have to have been married for 10 consecutive years or longer to claim Social Security on your ex-spouses record, that you and your ex-spouse have to be at least 62 before you can claim as an ex-spouse, and to collect on your ex-spouses record you must not be remarried. And you must have been divorced for two years or longer or your ex-spouse must already be claiming retirement benefits. Remember that if you qualify as a ex-spouse based on this criteria your retirement benefit would be half of your ex-spouses primary insurance amount as long as you claim at your full retirement age. You could claim as early as age 62 but you'll get less than you would claiming at full retirement age. I'm not going to go into all the details here you can hear them on episode 3. And you really should speak to Social Security directly. Make an appointment and go down there and discuss your unique situation with them.
The third most popular episode was episode 31 “should I stay or should I go” a discussion on discernment counseling with Linda Hirschman, a licensed marriage and family therapist. For those of you who might have missed the episode, discernment counseling is a short-term therapy approach specifically designed for couples in crisis. Discernment counseling focuses on helping couples get clarity about their relationship and make an informed decision as to whether the relationship has a future. In short, this type of counseling helps couples answer the question should we stay or should we go. My chat with Linda really focused on older divorcees and went into the economic impact of divorce late in life when less time exists to recover financially. We discussed how discernment counseling differs from marriage counseling and how it might help you determine whether discernment counseling is right for you and how you can find a good discernment counselor in your area.
I already discussed podcast episode 2 which was the second most popular episode.
So, let's go straight to #1, the most popular episode over the last two years which was my interview with Doctor Carol Hughes. On episode 16 of the Gray Divorce Podcast, we discussed adult children of gray divorce. This was a great conversation and maybe I shouldn't be surprised that it was the most popular of the 49 podcasts to date. Carol is the co-author of the book titled “home will never be the same again - a guide for adult children of gray divorce”. And I think the reason this episode was so popular is that this is an area of divorce that is so often overlooked, the impact of late-life divorce on adult children.
Because the law is so focused on protecting minor children in divorce a myth has emerged that once these children become adults their parents’ divorce has no effect on them. But how can that be? When so many studies have shown that happiness and contentment in life is really the result of the quality of one's relationships with other people, whether they be family, friends or colleagues. When someone's parents are getting divorced those key relationships can be altered or transformed completely, causing stress and anxiety. This episode is full of practical examples and advice of how divorcing parents and their adult children might better deal with divorce in the family. It's one of the episodes I'm most proud of.
Let me conclude by putting the occasion of the 50th episode of the gray divorce podcast in the context of moving forward with something productive and meaningful after gray divorce. I'm sure many of you out there have dreams, projects or goals you'd like to accomplish. You might be in the before or during the stage of divorce right now and obviously your focus is on getting through the process. Or maybe you've just emerged from divorce and you're still a little shell-shocked. I understand. It took me a year or two after my divorce to kind of regain my bearings and move forward.
Maybe you have a goal of writing a book or performing stand-up comedy. Maybe you’re thinking of starting a business or maybe even starting your own podcast or YouTube channel.
My advice. Do it!
I know a lot of people who talk about doing podcasts or YouTube channels but get bogged down in minute details, asking questions like “oh what camera should I use or what's the best microphone or I don't have a studio set up” These are all forms of resistance that Steven Pressfield talked about in his famous book The War of Art.
I love the saying: "Perfect is the enemy of done."
Another saying I love: "Nothing happens until something moves. Just start something and you'll create some momentum."
And that momentum can bring all sorts of benefits that you hadn't anticipated in the 1st place.
I created this podcast because I love sharing valuable information and yes, I certainly saw the podcast as a way to establish my name as a divorce financial professional and help people before, during, and after divorce.
But I've also learned so much in researching and preparing for the episodes and interviewing experts in so many different professions related to divorce. It's made me a better divorce financial analyst and a better financial advisor.
It's also introduced me to some great people with whom I’ve built some great relationships.
And the podcast has given me the opportunity to be a guest on many other podcasts and to speak at numerous conferences around the country.
So, I encourage you; if you have any projects that have been on the backburners for years or even decades, get started. If you know there are things you love to do, that put you in that flow state, where you lose track of time, where you become engrossed in your task, do them.
Share your knowledge or passion with the world.
I’d love to hear about your growth journey through and after divorce. Just message me through the podcast app.
Also, I would love to hear your opinions about the podcast. Good or bad. Brickbats or bouquets. Are there any topics that you'd like to hear more of in the future?
And for those of you who do like the podcast, please don't hesitate to subscribe and rate the podcast (five stars I hope) on your podcast apps.
Until next time: Take care and see you again on episode 51 in two weeks!
Resources
Episodes 16 Adult Children of Gray Divorce with Dr. Carol Hughes
Episode 2 What is Gray Divorce and Why Does it Matter?
Episode 31 Should I Stay or Should I Go? Discernment Counseling with Linda Hershman, LMFT
Episode 3 Social Security and Divorce