The Gray Divorce Podcast: Episode 60 When to Say No - Setting Boundaries in Divorce with Tracy Gould Sheinin
Do you know when to say no? Are you a people pleaser who would rather defer to someone else's wishes just to “get along”?
Is your reluctance to set boundaries hurting your marriage?
Or are you in the middle of a divorce? Are you standing up for what's rightfully yours?
Maybe you're in your 60s or 70s and emerging from divorce and you see this as an opportunity to reset your life and grow personally. How can resetting boundaries help you live your best life ever?
In this episode Andrew and Tracy Gould Sheinin, a specialist in the field of conflict resolution, discuss the importance of setting boundaries in divorce. They answer questions such as:
- Could better communication with our partners prevent divorce?
- How can boundary navigation help us get through the process?
- How can we reset for personal growth after divorce by better establishing our boundaries?
Tracy defines boundaries as “Rules we set for ourselves, not others.”
Boundaries can be
- Physical contact
- Verbal interactions
- Personal space
- Emotional and Mental
- Religious
- Financial
- Time
- Non negotiables
Boundaries can be rigid or porous. In the case of rigid boundaries we don't ask for help, we avoid close relationships, we may be perceived as cold or detached and we might tend to isolate ourselves.
Porous boundaries, on the other hand, may see us over share personal information, say yes when we want to say no, take on other's problems, and put up with disrespectful or abusive behavior.
Healthy boundaries are where we value our own thoughts and opinions. We feel comfortable asking for help, we know when to share, and we accept and respect other’s boundaries.
Finally, Tracy notes, the only person we can control is ourselves. We should be polite and respectful, but we can't control other people's feelings either.
Resources
Tracy’s email: Tracy@claritymediation.net
Tracy’s website: https://claritymediation.net/